|
|
|
Gather people around you who might want to help or give you good advice.
If you've been brainstorming by yourself and your flow chart has some
holes in it, you can call a group of people together to provide you
with the missing pieces in your plan. You can throw a ``resource
party``. this might become the natural take off point for an ongoing
resource network: an informal community of aid.
Now you re going to discover that you can build a bridge of helping
hands to virtually any person, skill., Or thing you need on planet earth.
How to throw a barn raising resource party.
Ask your self : who do you know? Most of the time, what we're really
saying is: are you well-conected? Do you have rich, powerful friends?
If you dont- and lets face it, most of us don't- you'll probably answer:
"I don't know anybody." Meaning :"I don't know anybody
who counts." And that's grounds for inaction.
I'd like to forget that right now. Take the question in its original
sense. Who do you know? Who are your friends and relatives and aquiaintances?
Whose names and phone numbers are in your address book? You've got the
makings of a full-fledged, effective resource network right there.
The more people you pull in, the more help and ideas you' ll get, because
everyone will be inspired buy hearing what everyone else has to offer.
A group of 4-5 is a good working number. 15 is about the most you can
comfortably fit into your living room. Anything over 15 calls for slightly
more formal procedures.
Your get-together can begin and end with socializing, but in the middle
it's got to be a business meeting with everyone's attention focused
on the problem at hand. You start things off by telling everyone, first,
all about your goal, and second , everything you've figured out you
need in order to get it. Be ready with pencil and paper, because the
ideas will really start flowing.
There are 2 rules you've got to follow if you want your barn raising
to be effective.
Rule 1: be as specific as possible about what you need.
Asking for help doesn't work. It may get you sympathy or some but eventually
you'll just get a helpless shrug. But if you ask for a second hand piano,
a contact in the music business, every mind in the room will rise to
find one.
Before you can get what you need, you've got to take responsibility
for knowing what you need. Being specific about your needs is one of
the most important ways of treating yourself like a winner. It's also
a signal to everyone else that you're serious about you goal. So if
you need hard times- and an ill defined problem often conceals fear
and pain-ask for hard times. If you need ideas, ask for brainstorming.
And if you need a tractor or violin go for barn-raising. The chances
are you'll get it.
Rule 2: always ask for the most specific information you can
get- names, address, phone numbers, book titles, etc.
Remember that what you are aiming for is to get your flow chart down
to first steps- things you can do today or tomorrow.
Knowing that someone else's eyes have seen your plans helps to keep
them from sliding back into the never -never land of dreams. Once you've
told your friends that you're planning to write a novel or start a dairy
farm, they'll be interested and excited -and hopefully, because if you
can do what you love, may be they can too. So they'll be rooting for
you. And all of a sudden, if you don't do it you'll not only be letting
yourself down- you've done that before- but you'll be disappointing
them, too. believe me, you will find this infinitely more effective
than "self-discipline".
When your barn-raising group has given all the suggestions they can,
it's the next person's turn to take the floor and tell what s/he wants
to do and what s/he needs. As you go around the room, you'll be astonished
at the variety of resources a small handful of people can offer each
other for achieving goals of all kinds
stuff you can get :
Information
things and stuff to borrow, second hand, homemade freebies, discount
wholesale contacts. Meet people who know where to shop.
Skills and services
Money(remember: a loan to a friend is a business arrangement. It should
always be taken on the basis of financial reliability, not emotional
trust, and the terms should always be drawn up on paper. that's not
crass or cynical. Its the way to protect both your money and your friendship)
Contacts connections,clout) other people can be essential when
you goal is trying to get in through the door of a closed professional
world. Not all goals require clout. But if yours does, your network
will help you get it. I'm not saying that how good you are isn't important.
It is. It just isn't enough. Talent or merit alone will rarely get you
past the smiling receptionist, the protective secretary, the wary agent,
the routine hiring or admissions screening. a personal introduction
to someone on the inside will and that's not because they are corrupt.
It's because they're human. Like you they tend to be a little suspicious
of strangers.
Safeguards for barn-raising
Rule 1 - principle of mutuality
You scratch my back I'll scratch yours. Don't help out a friend with
the deliberate intention of putting him or her in you debt so you can
demand something in return. Help because you care.
But if you ask for a major investment, consider bartering:
If you do x for me ill do y for you.
Rule 2 - the right to say no
every person in barn-raising has the god given right to say no both
to offers of help that are unwarranted or excessive, and to requests
for help that he or she cannot reasonably fulfill.
Mamas and babies
Mamas want to save everyone fix everyone's problems. In so doing, their
own problems don't get solved and they complain no one helps them .
but they never ask for help.
Babies lack all sense of moderation when asking for favors.
They typically say: I've got a problem, what are YOU going to do about
it.
Be careful with mamas and babies. If you run into one or if you are
one yourself- you've got to watch out that the mama doesn't take on
everyone else's goals at his or her expense, and that the baby doesn't
turn the whole room into an army of servants.
The useful tool here is : Say no!
The only people who will react to a No! with real hurt and indignation
are babies, and it should relieve your guilty conscience to know that
a no is usually good for babies. It throws them back onto their own
resources.
On the other end of the ledger, you must accept your friend's right
to say no to you.
When dealing with big groups:
1. Be specific as you can about what you need.
2. Do not offer anything you are not truly willing and able to give
3. If you can provide what someone else needs, or use what someone has
to offer, raise your hand and give your name. Write down each others
names and get together after the formal part of the meeting is over.
|
